Then Eveything Changed
by Kiaira
Summary: People warn you that motherhood is hard. Even if you believe them, you can never be fully prepared. Espeically when you are too scared tell anyone that you really aren't alright.
1. Prologue

A/N: Haven't heard from me in a while, have you all? Its been a very big year for my husband and I. And trust me when this story will explain most of it. I stopped writing around this time last year due to me packing with my husband for our new apartment. Its been so hectic that I haven't even finished Season 2 yet. Anyway, this is a very short chapter to explain myself. What? How can this be a chapter to explain why i left, and a new fanfic? Well you see, its my story.

I had a baby in December. A beautiful little boy named Jesse. I love my soon, but I have sadly had a rough go. I have been diagnosed with depression related to my birthing experience and my growth as a new mom. I have had a lot of people asking me why i haven't updated or shared anything new, and the pregnancy was hell. Very rough and hard on me physically and mentally. So basically, while trying to get back into writing, i decided to share with you why i haven't been around. Don't expect regular updates, because with motherhood, comes no time to even use the bathroom. This itself has taken ten weeks to write. Yup. Ten weeks. But I do hope you will all enjoy at least what I have to say about my experiences with my baby so far. Please note, there will be Out of Character writing..because again, its my story, but I will do my best.

Thanks guys!

Then Everything Changed

Prologue

Isolating.

That would be how Marinette wold describe her new role as a mother. Not exactly what she would have told you a week earlier when her and her husband, Adrien had brought home their son, Jean, from the hospital. She hadn't expected really anything bout her experience thus-far to come to pass if she was honest. Sure, the love was there for her child that she had as she carried him for nearly nine months, but it still wasn't what they told you.

She wasn't overcome with the love that was supposed to come over you like a wave. There was never this powerful need to protect her son; not not first anyway. There was the guilt thought. And perhaps a little bit of jealousy when she saw Adrien's expression when he saw Jean for the first time. He had the look of someone who had fallen in love at first sight, and she could tell how much he loved their son. Whenever Adrien held Jean, he was just smiles.

Marinette had no words she could express out loud for what she felt. Not even to her dear husband. She was just ashamed. He was feeling everything he felt before becoming a father and more. She felt like there was only something wrong with her. Whenever she saw pictures of her and Jean, she felt like it was just all lies. Just all lies.

She was no mother. She may have given birth to her son, but she couldn't be his mother. Every time he looked up at her expectantly or his eyes watched and followed her, she just felt scared. Scared of him, herself or the unknown. She still didn't know. It was just as mysterious as why she ever thought she knew anything at all about being a mother. Nothing could have prepared her. No one could have. It just could never be the same. And as she glanced up at her husband Adrien who was tucking their sleeping infant into his bassinet, there was only one thing that crossed her mind.

She was alone. She couldn't speak to him, or her parents. Alya or anyone else either. These feelings were her own. She couldn't calm her son like Adrien could. She didn't have the confidence that her husband did and she was scared every time he left for a modelling job or a nightly patrol. Her heart raced when he transformed into Chat Noir, and left her with a quick kiss and a 'I Love you'.

He didn't know. If he did, perhaps he would stay and not leave her alone with Jean. Something she feared more than anything else. He gave her one last glance and a smile before he jumped out of the window, out of sight.

Once again, she was alone.

But not alone.

It was her and her son.

But she might as well have been alone.

A/N: So yeah, this is quick,and I'm sure its a mess. It feels like a mess to me, but I have very little time anymore to just sneak in a really good creative writing session to smooth it out. But since a few have been messaging me over the last year to see why I stopped writing, its not because I wanted to quit. I just haven't been up to the task.

So I will update. At some point, i just need to kinda focus on my mental health right now. And before anyone asks, I am getting mental health help. I have a support system, and I am learning how to balance everything.

Until next time!


	2. Birth

A/N: Well its been forever. Motherhood keeps you busy. That shouldn't be a surprise. But I am finally getting back into writing. And while self-isolation sucks, and being out of work for now is damn awful, it is nice to have some me time.

So this chapter takes place before the Prologue. Weirdddd I know. I felt it was important to write my story. Its not too graphic though, I promise. The emotional side will come in the next few chapters. And sadly the next two chapters and this one is rather short for me, but I feel like enough is happening. Once things get going they will be closer to my regular chapter lengths. I promise.

I missed you all, and hope this story will be worth the wait. And yes, I am going to finish Please Keep My Secret. I might as well, since I have time.

Enjoy!

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 1

The last few days of Marinette's life proved to be the most exhausting ever. Days upon days of going through pre-labour contractions. The unending aching had been the worst thing she would ever thought to experience in her life. No fight or battle bruises would ever compare to how much pain these contractions caused. Several visits to the hospital, where they were so sure the baby was coming, ended with her being sent home. Frustration and anger boiled over with every instance of her doctor telling her, not yet. Nothing could help the contractions, and so Marinette had to deal with it. Marinette spent her days in the bathtub, refilling it with warm water, again and again. It proved to ease the pain a little. All of that suffering happened and finally brought her to this moment, twenty-three hours after being admitted, finally.

"Marinette, now I'm going to run this bottle across your body. Tell me if you can feel the cold bottle," the doctor said from behind the surgical curtain they hung up, separating the doctors and her lower half.

She nodded. "O-okay Doctor Moreau."

Adrien squeezed her hand as he leaned over to her to whisper in her ear. "You're doing fantastic."

The chill made Marinette shiver when the doctor pressed the cold bottle to her collarbone. "Do you feel that?"

"Y-yes," she answered.

He moved the bottle further down her body. The other doctor's, and nurses around her prepped for the surgery. That curtain was blocking her from seeing anything. She only glanced the top of the heads of her medical team as they moved behind the curtain.

"And this?" Doctor Moreau asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Excellent, so your body under frozen sedation now and we will begin. Hold tight," he explained.

Adrien gave her a kiss on her forehead and rested his head against hers. She appreciated the warmth he shared, and it brought her some comfort, but this still frightened her. Such a long time since she last slept. Her body ached and begged for some rest from such a rough pregnancy.

The medical team remained silent as they worked, only talking to a nurse when they needed a new tool. The minutes tick by, but still the time seemed to have come to a halt. She wanted to look at her baby. The minutes seemed like hours and no matter how many sweet words or kisses from her calm husband did anything to make the time pass by faster.

Something cut through that and echoed. A sharp cry that pierced the air. Marinette's entire body stiffened and her eyes went wide. Her baby! She noticed Adrien draw away as they both rose to their feet, and Adrien looked over the curtain to glimpse their son. All she observed from her position had been the glee on her husband's face. His eyes, wide with wonder, and his mouth hung open. She never seen such a glow from him before. Not even when they revealed their identities to each other.

She heard him still crying, but she didn't even glance him. The sound both terrified and frightened her. She looked up at Adrien. "Adrien, how is he?"

He sat back down on the small stool they gave him to sit on, and he just looked at Marinette with such a stunned expression. "He's... incredible."

The realization that their baby finally arrived, and she didn't understand what would happen next. No matter how many podcasts she listened to, read or talked to mom friends about it, nothing prepared her for this exact moment. It only became even more real when she caught Adrien looking to her right. Marinette turned to glance at what he stared at but she a jolt of surprise when she saw a nurse right by her side, holding their baby. Before she reacted, the nurse placed the baby on Marinette's chest.

She flinched when the baby screamed in her face and she froze as the sound both burned her ears, but it also just physically hurt her. Why did every muscle in her body hurt when she listened to that cry? She took in a deep breath and placed an arm around her baby, almost by instinct and to ease the pain his cries caused her.

"It's alright," she tried to sooth. So, she sang to him. One of the many lullabies she sang to him while in her womb. Adrien placed one arm around her, and the other rested on hers that cradled the baby. He softly sung to the baby too.

The baby cried for a few more moments, but after almost a full song, he settled and he rested on her bare breast. His eyes closed, and he breathed in softly as he relaxed. Many feelings filled Marinette. Her first child. She wanted her first child so much; a dream to build that family of five she dreamed of for so long. Her precious baby. Relief, joy, happiness, but also something deeper that dug at her. Something that hit her harder than the joyous moment she always hoped for.

Fear, uncertainty, and the realization that no amount of prepping had prepared her for this. She had no clue what she was doing. And she did not understand what would happen an hour from now. A week, or even a year from now, but her husband looked at their baby with such glee and love.

The love many told her she would love her child instantly.

A lump formed in her throat. She had none of that. Was this be normal? Could it just be the exhaustion? Would she feel that love the moment she woke up from a deep, wonderful slumber? Her mother, Sabine, has just talked about how precious she was as a newborn and how happy she was to have baby Marinette in her arms. That her father had all the worries.

But here she was, worried. What the hell was wrong with her? Tears were stinging the corners of her eyes. And that lump has done its damage. And tears fell down her cheeks. Adrien took notice. "You alright?"

She nodded, but she lied. "Of course I am, he's just so beautiful."

It wasn't the baby's beauty that she lied about. He was gorgeous. She wasn't alright. There was something wrong with her, but she had no words to describe it and didn't know if she dared say anything out loud about it. How would she? She was a mother now. She had to be alright. So Marinette just looked at her husband and sent him a smile. The best she ever faked. "I've never been better."

A/N: Please be gentle on me. I haven't written in a long while. Leave that for when I get back going again. In any case, I hope you all enjoyed!


	3. Skin to Skin

A/N: One thing I should mention for future chapters, this takes place years after Hawkmoth was defeated and (hopefully) Emilie was saved...even though I totally ship Gabriel and Nathalie though its probably a one sided love story. Boo...

Anyway, so there is a mention of them in this chapter and them in future chapters. Just to mention now. I won't go into detail about how it was done because its not important.

Then Everything Changed

Chapter 2

Though numb still from the drugs, Marinette still realized a uneasy tightness lingered in her chest. The beautiful tiny creature in her arms frightened her more than anything else had. While no longer in the operating room for her C-Section, they were still in a recovery room. Only a thin blanket covered most of Marinette's body; her hospital gown untied and still very loose around her. It still falling down one side of her shoulders from attempting to breastfeed for the first time.

The nurse assigned to them was chatting away about establishing breastfeeding, and while Marinette was listening, she was struggling to take in all the information at once. The nurse was prepping the machines to weight little Jean-Paul. She was about finished when she turned to the two parents, her eyes falling on Adrien.

"All right, Mr. Agreste, it's your turn now," she stated. "You ready to hold your son."

He lit up, "Yes! I'm very ready."

The nurse reached over to Marinette, "Excuse me Mrs. Agreste."

The nurse lifted the baby with an ease and confidence that Marinette was envious of. It only made sense. Her entire job evolved around babies. It was her job to be that comfortable around the newborns. Marinette had babysat plenty of babies in her time, but that could never have prepared her for her own child.

The nurse stopped in front of Adrien, still holding the baby. "Are you planning skin to skin? It is best for parents and baby, if you're comfortable with that."

"Oh, right!" Adrien stated. He sat up and undid his button-up shirt, and with a swift motion, he pulled his shirt off. He stretched out his arms, and the nurse knelt down and passed the baby over. With what seemed like the same comfort as the nurse, Adrien took his son and brought him to his chest, resting Jean-Paul against his chest.

The child moments earlier whined a little, but relaxed in his father's arms. He turned to Marinette, glowing with pride. "Marinette, he's so tiny!"

Marinette nodded. "Yes. I know. He's so tiny."

Though he looked tiny, his weight on her arms was immense. Like the weight of the entire world had dropped into her arms.

Adrien chuckled, and Marinette had to look closer to understand why. She strained to glance what happened and noticed it. The baby had leaned over and was sucking on Adrien's bare chest. The nurse witnessed it and shared in on the laugh. "That's normal. He doesn't realize the difference between you and mom yet. Once breastfeeding has been established, he will never make that mistake again."

"D-Does that mean he's still hungry? Should I be feeding him again?" Marinette asked. Such a terrible question. A mother should know the answer; shouldn't she?

The nurse shook her head. "To be honest, he is hungry or seeking comfort. Right now, you aren't producing milk, but if you keep it up, it will come in a day or two. For now, I'll weight him and give him back to you, Mrs. Agreste. Then I'll bring you back to the mother's ward. It's almost 4am now, and I'm sure you will all want to get some rest. It's been an exhausting day and you never know when visitors will show up."

"My father and mother will come by 10am," Adrien stated. "So until then we'll take turns with the baby, and I'm sure we make it through the day."

"My shift is over at 9am, but my replacement will be in every two hours to check on you and give Marinette pain meds. She's a very wonderful nurse, her name is Belle."

The nurse lifted the little one and with the same ease walked to the baby scale where she put the wiggling naked baby down. Carely she put a hand on his chest, she held him down long enough to get a reading. "And he is seven pounds, four ounces."

"Wow!" Adrien gasped. "He doesn't feel that heavy. Lighter is what I thought."

His words hurt her. Was she really weak that she could barely hold her son? She wanted to cry, but she fought her tears back and smiled at her dear husband. "Trust me, he's heavier than that."

Adrien chuckled. He pulled on his shirt again, but while buttoned up his front he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. When he drew away, he spoke. "You did incredible."

The kiss made her feel a little better, but when she turned back to see their baby, now with his first ever diaper. The nurse brought him over to his parents and motioned for Marinette to take her baby. Marinette took the baby, and the weight returned. She brought the baby to her chest, and he calmed, just for a moment.

"All right, ready?" the nurse asked.

"Yes, we are," Adrien answered.

Marinette looked at him shocked for a moment, but looked away. She was so far from ready. She just nodded. "Of course"

Unlocking the bed, the nurse positioned it and pushed it with great strength. Adrien walked beside her, every so often looking at Jean-Paul and just beaming. Marinette tried to not just freak out and breathed in deeply and calmly, trying to keep herself from showing any negative emotion.

When they reached the elevator, she thought she had this. She could keep her cool. She could keep calm. Marinette had this. A secret superhero who had fought some frightening super villain's in her time.

That was until they arrived to the mother's floor, and she was taken into her room. On the opposite side of the room was another new mother. She was sleeping, and beside her was a bassinet with a sleeping baby inside. Another nurse had appeared, and the two lifted Marinette onto the unused bed. She clenched the baby, so fearful of dropping the baby. Even worse, the ideal of doing it after giving birth less than two hours earlier. Once in the bed, her nurse's brought a blanket over her, covering her nearly naked body (minus the special underwear for the messy after birth) and bringing warmth to her she almost had forgotten. They then took a moment to show the two how to swaddle the baby. This left Marinette overwhelmed, but Adrien nodded and thanked the nurse again. She wished them an enjoyable sleep as she placed the baby in the bassinet and left. There had already been a cot set up, and Adrien was already on it, and he seemed to have passed out the moment his head hit the pillow.

Not Marinette.

She sat awake in the darkness. Her heart racing. What was she supposed to do now? She wanted to sleep, but the dread in her chest only got worse. The numbing was wearing off. And the epidural had long been removed before the C-Section. The ache was returning.

'_Thing's can't get worse. I'm sore, exhausted, scared out of my mind and I do not understand what to do,'_ she thought.

She tried to close her eyes to will herself to sleep, but that was shattered by a piercing cry.

A/N: I wanted to continue, but this is actually very emotionally exhausting. Trying to recount these moments, is so hard. But I really do want to share them. I've made some changes from my own experience. My husband wasn't nearly as emotionally joyful as Adrien is. I just can't imagine Adrien as anything but. And well, my husband behaved in a very unAdrien way that I think you would all take out your pitchforks over. Myself included. So this is it for now. I hope its enough for now.


End file.
